Commas, semicolons, periods…goodness, even dashes! Where have you all gone? Dear apostrophes, you used to represent ownership, possession. Yet you’ve disappeared, gone the way of the dodo and yielding to pedestrians.
I think that’s plenty. I’ll admit it: I’ve had a bum day. So I’m resorting to this slight venting of frustration on Craigslist. Sad. Self-aware though, at least? Anyway, I’ve thought for a while that craigslist posters could use a little reminder that this isn’t like newspaper classifieds—you don’t get charged by the character in your ads, in fact, you don’t get charged at all. So, for the love of God, try to slow down and at least use a fraction of what you were taught in grammar school about, well, you know, punctuation, grammar and the like. You might stand a better chance at snagging that unrealistically specific ideal of a man or woman you’ve been looking for.
“I just received the news that I’ve once again been elected Chair of Faculty Council for next year… and even worse, the other members of Council are, in fact, a pretty sorry lot of people to have to “manage” in the tasks that will lie ahead. I am not too happy with the way all of this is shaping up. I tell you, this is what happens to people who spent too much time being an Eagle Scout! That sense of “duty” or responsibility… answering the call, as it were… it runs deep. I should just tell the university to shove it…”—my father, eagle scout.
“L’esprit de escalier: (French) The feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said. Translated it means “the spirit of the staircase.”—words that don’t exist in the english language
the conversation began when longtime friend’s roommate (jokingly) insinuated that longtime friend was at her best when not provoking said roommate to murder her. longtime friend said it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her.
me: sweeter than when i asked you to go to rehab with me?
longtime friend: haha rehab or murder? im not sure which is sweeter. also, i told people you were team victoria last night so its probably not safe for you to return to portland anytime soon cause now people want to kill you for hating on the holy trinity of twilight (jacob, edward, bella). ps: thanks for the good charlotte invite. if i was 15 i’d totally be down. just for the record- the first time i saw them i touched the lead singers junk.. also, i miss your face and your big black booty.
my favorite excerpts from the article that so kindly/terribly informed me of the gift shop located at the south pole:
—When Avery reached the pole, he was the youngest person to get there on foot, following a 45-day, 700-mile trek. In interviews, Avery’s father praised his son’s “stiff upper lip” - a lip that was extremely stiff since he was suffering from frostbite.
—Sara Wheeler, who has written widely on the Antarctic, has no time for modern-day adventuring. “I find it a bit of a yawn,” she says, “seeing how dead you can get, skiing down a crevasse on your willy - it’s all a big testosterone thing. The most important thing about Antarctica is that it is unowned - it remains unowned no matter how many countries make a claim.”
—Russia and the US, which once claimed four-fifths of Antarctica on the basis of visits by 19th-century whaling captains, reserve the right to make claims in the future.