An average joe comes in and orders thirty cheeseburgers and thirty fries.
I wait for him to pay before I start cooking. He pays. He ain’t no average joe.
The grill is just big enough for ten rows of three. I slap the burgers down throw two buckets of fries in the deep frier and they pop pop spit spit … pss …
The counter girls laugh. I concentrate. It is the crucial point— they are ready for the cheese: my fingers shake as I tear off slices toss them on the burgers/fries done/dump/ refill buckets/burgers ready/flip into buns/ beat that melting cheese/wrap burgers in plastic/ into paper bags/fries done/dump/fill thirty bags/ bring them to the counter/wipe sweat on sleeve and smile at the counter girls. I puff my chest out and bellow: “Thirty cheeseburgers, thirty fries!” They look at me funny. I grab a handful of ice, toss it in my mouth do a little dance and walk back to the grill. Pressure, responsibility, success, thirty cheeseburgers, thirty fries.
n. a musical flavor found in electric guitar solos that compels you to snarl, squint and bend your spine like a longbow being drawn back to fire a warning shot to your distant ancestors, so they may know that your domestication will not go unavenged.
2. Girls are like handwritten blue book-style essays. If you stop and think through what you’re going to say, for just a few seconds, you have an exponentially increased chance at success (success being defined as, of course, not being a befuddling dillweed). […]When you say something to a girl, we listen. We take your words at face value, and then we assess accordingly. We usually consult our closest female friends in the process, putting our collective brainpower to work to figure out what’s going on. Here’s how it usually goes down. “He said he was looking forward to spending more time with me,” says girl A. Girl B, after careful consideration, responds, “Well, I suppose that means he’s looking forward to spending time with you.” You can see, therefore, why saying things without thinking them through could cause frustration and confusion. We don’t like giving F’s, but we will if we have to.
noun • a boat that has purposely sailed away, for love, adventure, or suicide
tagavaka is a word from the tokelauan lanugauge. this article from gentlemen’s quarterly magazine explains:
Some-times boats are blown off course; there’s even a Tokelauan word for this: lelea. It’s theorized that the very existence of people on the island—it has been inhabited for a thousand years—is because a Polynesian canoe drifted off course. But there is also another, more complicated Tokelauan word: tagavaka. This applies to boats that have purposely sailed away—for love, adventure, or suicide. These days, Tokelauans commit suicide by driving into the open ocean until the gas runs out.
But then, just after midnight: blindingly bright car headlights aimed at my head. “Hey! Hey!” yelled a male voice from inside an East Hampton Marine Patrol vehicle. The officer then asked, with some irritation, “Why are you sleeping on the beach?” Groggily, I explained, “I just bought a new bathing suit.”
“I’ve recently become fond of this one from ‘Macbeth’: ‘What fresh hell is this?’”—my father, whose life apparently warrants this recent and repeated allusion to hell (though used most often in tongue-in-cheek application).